FCKH8

I recently have found this new campaign against Prop 8 in California. For those of you who dont know Prop 8 restricts the marriage of Same sex couples. I just felt like sharing because I believe this is something that needs to be rectified.

My biggest problem with the whole issue is Why can't 2 people be married? There is suppose to be a seperation between church and state..Most who argue feel as if it will desanctify Marriage. I'm willing to bet Money that thses people are not refering to the governments defition of Marriage. It more than likely has something to do with their religious beliefs. Here's a Big NEWS FLASH: Not everyone in the US is Christian or Catholic therefore have different beliefs. All we are asking is too allow people of same sex to get LEGALY married. If your church doesnt agree they dont need to hold the ceremony.

I know this isnt about weight loss, but its something I feel strongly about and thought I would share. I would love to hear your thoughts, For or Against I welcome all feedback.

Dark consumes the Light...

On Monday I set some goals for myself to acomplish during the week. Well,I only have the possibility to complete one of them. 2 Nights I have eaten after 9 and I've gotten 5 hours of sleep the last 2 nights. So that leaves me with the gym. I had a hard time with getting myself there yesterday and it was for a reason I really havent noticed or had before. as I analyzed it more and more it really got me thinking about some of the Beasts that consume our minds.

There are things in everyday life that can stop any weight loss momentum dead in its tracks. You say, what could be so awful to set someone astray like that. Some are blind and for them ignorance is bliss, but for the rest of us, here are some demons I want to confront right now.

The Mirror- I hate that you have the ability to make me feel bad. I go to the gym to get in shape and change my body, but all you do is throw it in my face how far I have fallen. I can't even use a machine without you glaring at my bulge of fat under my shirt. I cant use the elyptical without you staring at my man boobs. Not anymore. I will not let you own me anymore. Try and I have a nice Rock to show you where the ground is ;)

The Photo album- You tarnish my memories by reminding me of what I look like to other people. Or atleast how I Perceive they see me. I want to be able to look at you and not feel ashamed

Moving on...
This week has been less than perfect when it comes to the goals I had set last Monday. I ate after 9 twice, I didnt get the Sleep I wanted..However, after this afternoon I will have made it to the Gym 4 days so woohoo for that! The best part of my week came friday night. My parents bought Pizza for dinner and if I havent mentioned it before. It seems no matter how good I do, Pizza nad Burritos are my Kryptonite. When they offered I declined (while my insides screamed ZOMG yesssssssss) The next 2 hours in my room were awful. I was arguing with myself so much I couldnt even focus on my homework...So...I eventually caved and went and ate 2 pieces. Usually this is were I Binge...I feel guilty for breaking so I proceed to consume everything I can...This time was different. I made a deal with myself,"Ok, So the pizza is going to win and you can eat it, but take it to your room and dont come out" I did. After talking to a friend about it yesterday I felt really proud of myself which carried over into last night. It was late again, I could feel the Urge coming. I went to the car to get my clothes for work...I start to walk towards the fridge, but instead I yell in my head STOP!! Went into my room and played video games before falling asleep.

Because of that, I feel stronger today.

Not too many words of wisdom today, but I'll leave you with a couple sayings.

Appreciate the Little things.

Hoping and Wishing are for people who are ok with Failure. To succeed, Just Do.


Stats:
Weight: 264 (as of Monday 10/4)
Bench: 295
Squat:N/A
Mile: N/A

ITS MONDAY RAWR!!!....again

How many times have you heard or said to yourself "Alright, I'll start on Monday"? I know its probably coming out of my mouth by Wednesday every week lol. Thank you all so much for your comments on my last post. It gave me a LOT to think about this weekend and something tells me today is a different Monday :) I'm going to spend this post laying out my new goals and responding to the comments that got me thinking a lot about myself and my life.

Dr. J- I'm going to be honest, when I first read your comment I was like "Who the ef is this jerk?". I stopped right there say in my chair and thought.."Why did I just react like that to someone whose trying ot help me?" So because of that initial distain i felt I analyzed your post the most and I am so grateful for your response.

You can waste your time over thinking all this fat person stuff, or you can do the hard work that you will need to do to not be obese. You dug a hole for yourself when you first became obese.

This is something I NEEDED to hear. I constantly over think everything rather than just MANing up and getting shit done.

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit - I apreciate your honesty and your post as well struck a chord that needed to be. This

It's that "all or nothing" mentality that can get us in trouble sometimes, but it sometimes helps me to think of the process instead of the goal, to focus on the next step down the road instead of that spot on top of the mountain.

is PERFECT. You are absolutely right and this is something I will be expanding a bit more on later in the post.

To all the other Commenters, THANK YOU all so very much. As you can see I have a very modest follwoing (my mom lol) and now a few more have decided to join her. Your comments have been read many times and all critiques and compliments heard and taken too heart. I hope to have you all stay on board with me while I try this again.


The Plan: I came to the realization this last week that I need a change in my life and its not necesarily who I am now, but where I am going. All my life I have been nicknamed "Dr. Phil" by people who know me because I'm always trying to listen and help people understand why they feel a certain way and blah blah. I love helping people. I love how the mind works and am so curious to learn more that I am changing my Major from Computer Science to Psychology. I dont know what I want to do with it, but I know its something I want, I can feel it in my gut. I will be attempting to make it in to the University of Oregon after the next two semesters at the Solano JC. I'm in the process of setting up The Master Plan to achieve this goal and I am ready to lose myself in something that I know is MINE and mine alone. I'd like to thank My Mom for always supporting me in whatever path I've chosen to walk. I know Dad and Step mom will be right there too in their own way, but we both know Its better to lay out the plan first to show them how serious I am about this.

Now, How am I going to get myself healthy again Physically and Mentally? First I am going to admit something. I've been here before,I've fought this battle and I have won. I lost 117 lbs at one point. This is a NEW fight with more enemies and I am ready. I will stop beating myself down for "letting myself go". Life Happens either I continue to do the same things and get the same results or I stop my bitching and Man up. I accept that it will not happen in a week, month, or maybe even a Year, but it WILL happen. One day at a time, just like life. I am not happy with how I feel about myself and thats OK. It doesnt make me less of a person, the fact I'm not happy and do nothing about it does. I am a fighter and can do anything I set my mind too and this is how I will prove it. So, now every monday instead of setting my mind to "Alright lets lose all that weight!" I will be posting a blog with my goals for the week ahead. Small ones, big ones, it doesnt matter they will be obtainable and I will follow with a post on Saturday to let everyone (and myself) know just how well I did with them. This way I feel held accountable for my goals and not just be like, oh well next week. I will also be weighing in every monday morning at the Gym. This will start next week because I had a tooth pulled on Friday and am not allowed to work out again until Wednesday.

Goals:
Go to the Gym 4-5 days this week. (W,Th,F,S,Sn)for a minimum of 45 min
No Eating after 9pm (I usually binge after this hour so it will be a tough one)
Get 7 hours of sleep every night( I wake up early 5/7 days of the week)

See you all Saturday! (maybe earlier if I feel like talking)

I'm not FAT...

How many of us have struggled with their weight at one point or another? I'm pretty confident in saying about 90% of the US population critiques the way their body looks no matter how "attractive" they may be. We live in a time it's become more important to get your muscles big,stomachs flat and our skin as brown as possible. Personally, I find this a little disturbing. We quote "The Situation" more than Voltair, Plato, Davinci, Einstein or any other of our worlds incredible minds. There's an infinite amount of information at our fingertips and yet as a whole society it seems as though we are more ignorant than ever, so whats the excuse? Obesity is a serious issue within our country and it is NOT because we are all lazy. There are so many other factors that play into this epidemic that it is wrong to put all the blame on people who fight this daily battle, and putting us down is not right or ok. I AM NOT FAT!

All my life I've heard that stupid word. Fatty,fatass, fat fuck and every other possible combination of the word FAT. Look up FAT in the dictionary and you certainly will not see my picture or anyone elses for that matter. Fat is tissue, I do HAVE too much fat on my body but that is NOT who or what I am. I struggle with this on a daily basis. Avoiding contact with mirrors, tugging at my clothes and then being mad at myself for even feeling that way. I'm a MAN I shouldnt care and be confident regardless. It's a little tough to do that when all I see are images of how I SHOULD look and what girls look for. Kinda sad right? I'm a good person, I'm smart,funny, caring, sweet, passionate and the list could go on and on about my good personality traits (please, I'm not being arrogant) but in my mind the only thing I can focus on is how I lack in the physical appearence part of who I am. There is so much turmoil within me that sometimes I just wish I could turn my brain off for a bit. I've been on both sides of this spectrum and I really dont know where to go from here...

Today, I weigh between 263-268 depending on the time of day. I've made a pact with a very important person in my life to lose 15 lbs by Halloween while she loses 10. I've made the personal decision to do this again. I've been down this road before a few years ago. I weigh 330+ and one morning just made the choice to change my life. over the next year and a half to 2 years I lost 117 lbs. Girls were flocking to me because I was ripped and cocky. I got laid a lot (sorry ma), had lots of dates, and girls always calling me...but I hated who I had to be to get that attention. I LOVED working out for hours and twice a day sometimes. I was addicted to eating right and scultping my body, but missed being the "nice guy". Then I met Jenn. She is my most recent Ex gf and probably the one who saved me from being just ANOTHER guy. She reminded me what was important inlife and it wasnt how I looked, it was Family. Friends,cousins, or even strangers on the street can become your family and make you feel accepted. And for this I am so thankful to her. This lesson came at the loss of my hard work. I regained half of what I lost over our relationship partly because of her as well. I hate puting blame on others for things that I ultimately control, but it is what it is. She made me feel guilty for going to the gym, eating healthy when she wasn't and then when I did gain weight she made little comments about it. She isnt a bad person and none of this was with malitious intent, she has her own personal demons she was dealing with and I have no ill feelings toward her. In fact I still love her very very much. We both realized we had things within ourselves that we needed to work on before we could truly make each other happy so we have avoided trying again, but I digress. She gave me the gift of Fatherhood. Although it was only for 18 months, I grew to love her son as if he were my own. He was my motivation for everything, but she took him from me with her own selfish actions. That love for him had awoken a new part of me I didnt even know existed and has forever changed me.

Now, I'm afraid to get lost in the Gym again. I'm afraid to lose the weight and get my body back to where I had it because I dont want to lose who I am again..I try to talk to my friends about all of this but none of them really understand because they've never been the fat kid. So where I go from here? I'm tired of being FAT. I can see it in peoples eyes, the lack of attention I get paid or even invites from my friends to party. My name is Matt and I deserve to be treated better. I also deserve to FEEL better about myself. Unfortunetly, this is the hardest part because it isnt exactly something I can do alone. I'm not good at asking for help either. It's Go time and I am going to get back into the shape I used to be. Not for attention, not because society says I should, but because it makes ME happy. If anyone reads this or decides to follow my blog I will be posting more often and I ask of you PLEASE help me along my journey.

Week 4 NFL Picks

I did not see several of the games last week ending up the way they did leaving me with a 7-9 record for the week :/

Week 4 marks the first of the Bye Weeks it'll be interesting to see who finishes like they started or who turns it around.

Overall: 25-23

Winners:
Jets
Bengals
Ravens
Titans
Packers
Falcons
Saints
Rams
Colts
Oak
Eagles
Chargers
Bears
Dolphins