My story..I dont even feel I should write it as its not nerely the struggle you all have gone through which, even though I dont know you or the complete ins and outs of your lives, I am proud of all of you and it makes me happy to see people finding hope and wanting to live life.
I had a fairly good home growing up. My parents Divorced when I was 3 years old and my dad Remarried when I was 5 to my Step mom bringing along my step sister. My real mom had custody of me and my sister (blood) and I only saw my dad on every other weekend and Wednesdays.. theres a lot more Dynamics I dont really want to go to into. To sum it up, I was always the fat kid in School, picked on, laughed at, and left out. I never have and still dont feel like I live up to my dads standards of what I should be becuase I'm not exactly like my step sister who got to be with my dad more than I did growing up
My feelings of inferiority have caused me to contiplate giving up. I've never cut, but yes, a thought or two of letting go of all this has crossed my mind. Instead of Cutting I feel I eat. I'm a binge eater..I dont know if it would qualify as an eating disorder due to my lack of research, but when I feel down and not good enough I eat and eat...trying to fill an void thats impossible to fill. I've used pot to try and mask the pain or sadness, which worked for the 2 years I used..I'm clean now for almost a year. I once weighed 336 lbs...and Then I was living on my own and couldnt afford to eat and felt more alone than ever so I lived moved into the Gym so to speal. I lost 117 lbs total and was going forward in my life...but recently I've become lost again..I had to move back in with my parents last year cuz I couldnt handle the financial burdens anymore and try to finish school. I took a Personal Trainers certification program after moving home, nothing ever happend with it....I tried to join the Highway Patrol...It failed...I tried to Join the Army, they messed up my paper work twice and asked me to lie about a bunch of stuff So I decided against it....Now, in this present day, I've gained 50 lbs back...I cant control my eating and it makes me depressed to look in the mirror and see how far I've gone backwards..I cant stop when I eat...I dont want to work out anymore because its a reminder not being the weight i used to be.
I dont know if this is the place for me as far as support or dealing with my issues, but I am a overall happy person. My gf and her son keep me going each and everyday. I have a problem with dealing with ME and put others before me.
anyways um ya...Thats my story
I posted this on the To Write Love on Her Arms Street Team forums and copy and pasted here...More will come now I think.
