I've been working hard now for about 3 months to get myself healthy again and it's been a battle for sure. I have no significant loss today, but I've gained confidence and strength back.
Stay tuned
Random thoughts, dialogue and Graphic Designs
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Monday, September 12, 2011
Update
I'm going to attempt to be more active on my blog again. I'm going to make some cosmetic changes and now have added a custom domain. So you can also reach it by going to MatterMind.TK
Monday, June 6, 2011
Lifes biggest punchline
You ever heard the phrase "Lifes a big joke"? Yeah, me too and I never really understood the logic behind it. Life isnt all that funny to me. It's pretty real and awkwardly painful sometimes. It's also pretty fuckin fantastic, but since this blog isnt about that I will refrain from digressing into such pleasantries.
You see like any good joke there has be to be a solid punchline. Finally, I understand. Love is the punchline. HAHAHAHAHA (funny right?) Please, don't mistake me as a love basher and write me off, hear me out. I'm a hopeless romantic if anything and think love is amazing and should be cherished, but the word LOVE is hilarious. People throw it around loosely diminishing it's value. I say I LOVE burritos, My car, My xbox, Comics, my friends etc etc. Thats not love...I Enjoy all of those things, but love cant be defined so simply. Why not? Because you cant Define what love is and anyone whose really felt it will agree. Books, Songs, art, and movies have been inspired by that 4 letter word to try and capture the moment or how it feels...Only problem is, you cant capture it or see it or touch it...You absolutely can only FEEL what love really is. So does that make it an opinion in its self? Certainly you cant expect someone to love your mom the way you love your mom, but you sure do. Just like you cant expect someone else to have your same religious views, but it doesnt change what you believe.
So then perhaps Love is more about Faith than Opinion. Thats a hard thing to grasp for me a little, but lets explore this(*crickets* as if anyone reads this lol). Faith is, without quoting the dictionary, the belief in something regardless of what the "facts" tell you. The ultimate goal of a relationship is to know and love each other for the good and the bad. If you think of the "good and bad" as the "facts" I guess the correlation between Love and Faith isnt so far fetched. Let me get to the reason I'm even writing this thing after that little diatribe..
Tonight I received an Email from my ex gf full of pictures of me and her son(from a previous relationship). In turn twisting the wrench clasped to my heart and giving it a big ol yank. And with it brought the flood of emotions and overwhelming thoughts of what ifs and should nots. Maybe she's changed...people dont change...but god I miss Tristan...you cant be with her for him...I'll never know until I try...You can't just "try" you'll hurt Tristan more by going back... And so on and so forth. I just wish she would stop. Let me live my life and if our paths cross again we might just be happy again...
How do I handle this? Advice please if you do read this because I cant ever figure it out. I love and raised that little boy when he was 5 mo's old until he was 2...I changed his diapers...stayed up the long nights with high fevers...kissed booboo's and tucked him in everynight...He was my son through and through...My heart still and might always love him...But his mom cheated on me over and over again...chance after chance. I cant let go of that and so we cant work things out. And yet I have this girl who was my best friend and the mother of this amazing little boy I would love to have in my life claiming she'll be different this time(It's been over a year) and I cant let go of what she did to see the "new" her.
Sigh...Now, I'm not going back because I want someone who Loves me. REALLY loves me like I will her. You dont do things you know will hurt someone when you love them because all you want is for them to feel happiness. You care about what they do not because it interests you, but because it interests THEM...You want the same things out of life and fight for what you want with passion, Together. Like I love Tristan. The only form of True Love I can find. The kind for a child..because they can do no wrong. Because its completely unconditional..because it just is. Hopefully I'll find it someday, but until that I'll keep a smirk on my face because now I get it.
You see like any good joke there has be to be a solid punchline. Finally, I understand. Love is the punchline. HAHAHAHAHA (funny right?) Please, don't mistake me as a love basher and write me off, hear me out. I'm a hopeless romantic if anything and think love is amazing and should be cherished, but the word LOVE is hilarious. People throw it around loosely diminishing it's value. I say I LOVE burritos, My car, My xbox, Comics, my friends etc etc. Thats not love...I Enjoy all of those things, but love cant be defined so simply. Why not? Because you cant Define what love is and anyone whose really felt it will agree. Books, Songs, art, and movies have been inspired by that 4 letter word to try and capture the moment or how it feels...Only problem is, you cant capture it or see it or touch it...You absolutely can only FEEL what love really is. So does that make it an opinion in its self? Certainly you cant expect someone to love your mom the way you love your mom, but you sure do. Just like you cant expect someone else to have your same religious views, but it doesnt change what you believe.
So then perhaps Love is more about Faith than Opinion. Thats a hard thing to grasp for me a little, but lets explore this(*crickets* as if anyone reads this lol). Faith is, without quoting the dictionary, the belief in something regardless of what the "facts" tell you. The ultimate goal of a relationship is to know and love each other for the good and the bad. If you think of the "good and bad" as the "facts" I guess the correlation between Love and Faith isnt so far fetched. Let me get to the reason I'm even writing this thing after that little diatribe..
Tonight I received an Email from my ex gf full of pictures of me and her son(from a previous relationship). In turn twisting the wrench clasped to my heart and giving it a big ol yank. And with it brought the flood of emotions and overwhelming thoughts of what ifs and should nots. Maybe she's changed...people dont change...but god I miss Tristan...you cant be with her for him...I'll never know until I try...You can't just "try" you'll hurt Tristan more by going back... And so on and so forth. I just wish she would stop. Let me live my life and if our paths cross again we might just be happy again...
How do I handle this? Advice please if you do read this because I cant ever figure it out. I love and raised that little boy when he was 5 mo's old until he was 2...I changed his diapers...stayed up the long nights with high fevers...kissed booboo's and tucked him in everynight...He was my son through and through...My heart still and might always love him...But his mom cheated on me over and over again...chance after chance. I cant let go of that and so we cant work things out. And yet I have this girl who was my best friend and the mother of this amazing little boy I would love to have in my life claiming she'll be different this time(It's been over a year) and I cant let go of what she did to see the "new" her.
Sigh...Now, I'm not going back because I want someone who Loves me. REALLY loves me like I will her. You dont do things you know will hurt someone when you love them because all you want is for them to feel happiness. You care about what they do not because it interests you, but because it interests THEM...You want the same things out of life and fight for what you want with passion, Together. Like I love Tristan. The only form of True Love I can find. The kind for a child..because they can do no wrong. Because its completely unconditional..because it just is. Hopefully I'll find it someday, but until that I'll keep a smirk on my face because now I get it.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Meserhle vs Grant
I know I havent been keeping up with my blog, but I've been pretty busy trying to keep up with school. Given today is the Sentencing of Johannes Meserhle I thought I would share my recent Case File for my Psychology class. It's a long read, but let me know your thoughts
Case File:BART Shooting Analysis
Matt Hubert
Psychology 1 Dr. Cabrera
Solano Community College
[Page Break]
Case File: Bart Shooting 2
Abstract
Research was conducted to analyze and show the effects of emotions and the responses they trigger in regards to the shooting that took place on January 1, 2009. Although, there is no clear cut reason why Oscar Grant died that night, some insight can be gained by applying the three theories of emotion; James-Lange theory, Cannon-bard Theory, and the Two Factor theory. The Cannon-Bard theory fits the series of events that took place within the officer’s mind given the facts that were collected during the writing of this paper.
[Page Break]
Case File: Bart Shooting3
Intro/Method
Throughout life we as humans are faced with stressful and physically taxing experiences. How we react to such situations has been long debated as to where exactly these responses come from and how they actually occur. Fight or Flight is a cliché often thrown about in instances such as this, but what does it really mean? “The "fight or flight response" is our body's primitive, automatic, inborn response that prepares the body to "fight" or "flee" from perceived attack, harm or threat to our survival.” (Neil F. Neimark). Unfortunately, our brains aren’t always in top decision making shape when this instinct decides to take over, fact that Johannes Mehserle knows all too well. Johannes was a BART police officer on duty the night that Oscar Grant died. In fact, he is the officer that drew his fire arm and shot off a single round into Oscars back as he lay on his stomach. Videos of the incident can be found all over the internet now, different angles, different qualities, but none of them can pick up on what is being said between the officers and Oscar. At first glance the sequence of events that arose during the altercation paint Johannes to be a racist cold blooded killer, according to various responses of views on a YouTube video. If you have never seen the video I recommend you view before proceeding with this essay because words cannot describe everything, but neither can the video. Both are merely a piece of the puzzle of the story of what exactly took place that unfortunate night. So what do we know about the incident? According to various testimonies, the train was stopped at the Fruitvale station when the conductor had called the police to report 12 men fighting on the train. Oscar Grant was one of the confirmed perpetrators and had tried to run back on to the train when he learned of what was going on. Once he was again removed from the train he was instructed to sit against the wall with 2 other suspects. This is where the videos all start. Johannes arrives at the
CaseFile: Bart Shooting 4
Scene as back up and instantly jumps to the aid of the other officers. Everything is calm and seems to be going smoothly. Then 3 other men come off of the train to see what the cops are doing to Grant and his accomplices. Things start to get a little hectic with a few police officers trying to subdue the others who just came off the train, and then when the police officers inform the 3 sitting down that they are going to be placed under arrest. Grant then jumps up from the ground protesting the arrest of his friend. Officers then push him back to the ground and proceed to place him under arrest. There is visual evidence to show that Oscar is putting up a bit of a struggle against the police officers as they tried to place him in handcuffs. Where this story takes a turn for the worst is when Johannes claims that Grant was refusing to put his right hand behind his back and placed it under his hip, seemingly reaching for a weapon. The officer Says “I’m going to Taze him!” proceeds to reach for the weapon and fires once into Oscars back. The mistake was that he did not grab his Taser, he mistakenly grabbed his firearm and the single bullet went completely through Oscar and ricochet off the ground back into his chest piercing his lung. Hours later Oscar Grant was pronounced dead at the local hospital and the video went viral. The blood on Johannes Mehserle’s hands was put out for the world to judge, and judge they did without a single inclination of the true nature of this unfortunate tragedy.
Arguing in Johannes defense has proven difficult to the many that do support him and believe is was an accident. With such striking visual evidence the mind can easily believe that this is an execution style white on black hate crime. Police brutality has long been debated and an issue so in a city like Oakland, CA that consists of predominantly low income African American households it really is no surprise how they reacted.
Case File:Bart Shooting 5
There undoubtedly are many instances of excessive force being displayed towards blacks by the Oakland Police, but Johannes cannot be the scapegoat for these abusers. Confirmation bias is a dangerous thing when it comes to situations like this which is why it is best to gather as much information about the event as possible and look at it from multiple perspectives before forming your own bias. To think that this was an intentional act of murder is to agree with the Schacter-Singer theory of emotion. This theory states that “To experience emotion one must be physically aroused and cognitively label that arousal” (David G. Myers p515). In other words, Johannes’ actions had to be triggered by Oscar Grant refusing to pull his hand from under his body. As a police officer his instincts tell him he’s reaching for his weapon so he labels it danger. Being cognitively aware of this he would logically know which one of his side arms to reach for which was clearly not the case. However, the part that does fit this theory is how Johannes reacted after firing the bullet. In the videos he shows a clear sense of astonishment as if to say “what did I just do?” as stated in the application for bail that was submitted to the court
“After telling Officer Pirone he was going to taze Grant and yelling at Pirone to “get
back,” Mehserle, according to witness statements, drew his department-issued firearm, which
was located on his right side, pointed the weapon at Mr. Grant’s back, and fired a single time.
Virtually all witnesses who saw the event or looked to the location where Mehserle was
standing after they heard the gunshot described Mehserle as being in shock and many saw him putting his hands to his head.” (5)
Case File:Bart Shooting 6
Although Mr. Mehserle was cognitive of his actions and stated he was going to taze Oscar Grant he naturally reached for his fire arm. Whether or not he needed to use even a Taser is subject to debate and more of a moral dilemma rather than scientific fact. What little facts that are available show while the Two-Factor theory has some relations with the situation is does not completely
meet the frame work. Yes he had a stimulus prior to his emotion of shock, but his cognitive awareness did not prevent his automatic response that had been previously programmed through his hours of training.
To really understand how powerful emotions are a clear explanation of what exactly emotions are is necessary. Emotion is “a response of the whole organism, involving physiological response, expressive behaviors and conscious experience” (David G. Myers p.515). In other words, when an emotion hits hard and fast your body will react. How it will react really depends on the person and their prior experiences. Some will act first think later and others manage their emotions within their actions. The Cannon-Bard theory of emotions works with the later. It’s described as “the theory that an emotion-arousing stimulus simultaneously triggers physiological responses and the subjective experience of emotion. A good example of this is shown in the video taken of the train station when Oscar Grant jumps up in response to the news that his friend would be arrested. His emotion of outrage and action of standing up quickly intertwined so closely that this theory fits completely. However, it does not explain Johannes actions in the slightest. As stated earlier there was an expression on his face immediately afterward that it’s hard to deny that his emotions set in after the shot had been fired. Police
Case File:Bart Shooting 7
officers are drilled and trained to respond to stressful situations in various ways depending on the stimuli. In this case the officer had been trained in a threatening situation that he reaches for his side arm located on his right side. While his intentions were to grab his Taser, which he had positioned on the opposite side of his belt, his minds automatic reaction was to reach for the gun. Unfortunately, this mistake resulted in the unnecessary death of a young father. By his instincts reacting prior to his emotion of shock and regret Johannes actions can be defined by the James-Lange theory of emotions. Which states “our experience of our emotion is our awareness of our physiological responses to emotion” (David G. Myers p.515) or in other words, action before emotion. It does not undo what was done or justify the tragic loss of Oscar Grant, but it does provide some insight to the things going on behind the curtain.
Conclusion
So was it an execution style murder or simply a case of mistaken weaponry? Every person will be inclined to lean one way or the other based on their personal experiences with the information as well as their own biases. Science cannot explain every view point or opinion but it most certainly can explain one man’s actions in a high stress situation. We’ve explored the different possibilities and theories and it’s fairly clear based on the evidence provided that this was an unfortunate lapse in judgment caused by Office Mehserle’s pre coded response. Hopefully the
Case File:Bart Shooting 8
BART Corporation will take a close look at the officers’ training guidelines to avoid another disaster like this. It was stated that “The officer who shot the gun had an expression on his face like “holy shit what happened or what did I do, with his hands around his head.” Caneva believed the officer also had an expression as “why did my gun go off?” (Statement of Witness Pam Caneva. 5). So clearly he did not mean to put a bullet into the young officer, so hopefully now that this information has been presented in a way to gain a better understanding of what happened in Johannes mind the training regime will be adjusted to put more cognitive thought into the reaction to a volatile situation.
[Page Break]
Case File:Bart Shooting 9
References
1.Behind murder charge against ex-BART officer: San Francisco Chronicle, Demian Bulwa, Wyatt Buchanan,Matthew Yi, Chronicle Staff Writers San Francisco Chronicle; January 14, 2009 06:51 PMCopyright San Francisco Chronicle. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.Thursday, January 15, 2009
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/01/15/MNJE15A6O2.DTL
2.The Fight or Flight Response: Neil F. Neimark, http://www.thebodysoulconnection.com/EducationCenter/fight.html
3.Did the Jury for the BART Shooting Get the ‘Right’ Verdict?: Stephen Littau, The Liberty papers July 13,2010. http://www.thelibertypapers.org/2010/07/13/did-the-jury-for-the-bart-shooting-get-the-%E2%80%98right%E2%80%99-verdict/
4.Justice for Johannes Mehserle: Radley Balco, Reason.Com; July 12,2010
http://reason.com/archives/2010/07/12/justice-for-johannes-mehserle
5.MOTION TO SET BAIL: Michael L. Rains, Defense attorney for Johanes Mehsersle; January 30, 2009
http://cdn.sfgate.com/chronicle/acrobat/2009/01/30/motion_for_bail.pdf
6.BART Shooting -- Peeling Back the Layers to the Truth: Rich Silverstein: The Huffington Post; July 9,2010
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rich-silverstein/bart-shooting----peeling_b_641304.html
7.Psychology-8th edition in modules: David G. Myers; 2007 by Worth Publishers
Case File:BART Shooting Analysis
Matt Hubert
Psychology 1 Dr. Cabrera
Solano Community College
[Page Break]
Case File: Bart Shooting 2
Abstract
Research was conducted to analyze and show the effects of emotions and the responses they trigger in regards to the shooting that took place on January 1, 2009. Although, there is no clear cut reason why Oscar Grant died that night, some insight can be gained by applying the three theories of emotion; James-Lange theory, Cannon-bard Theory, and the Two Factor theory. The Cannon-Bard theory fits the series of events that took place within the officer’s mind given the facts that were collected during the writing of this paper.
[Page Break]
Case File: Bart Shooting3
Intro/Method
Throughout life we as humans are faced with stressful and physically taxing experiences. How we react to such situations has been long debated as to where exactly these responses come from and how they actually occur. Fight or Flight is a cliché often thrown about in instances such as this, but what does it really mean? “The "fight or flight response" is our body's primitive, automatic, inborn response that prepares the body to "fight" or "flee" from perceived attack, harm or threat to our survival.” (Neil F. Neimark). Unfortunately, our brains aren’t always in top decision making shape when this instinct decides to take over, fact that Johannes Mehserle knows all too well. Johannes was a BART police officer on duty the night that Oscar Grant died. In fact, he is the officer that drew his fire arm and shot off a single round into Oscars back as he lay on his stomach. Videos of the incident can be found all over the internet now, different angles, different qualities, but none of them can pick up on what is being said between the officers and Oscar. At first glance the sequence of events that arose during the altercation paint Johannes to be a racist cold blooded killer, according to various responses of views on a YouTube video. If you have never seen the video I recommend you view before proceeding with this essay because words cannot describe everything, but neither can the video. Both are merely a piece of the puzzle of the story of what exactly took place that unfortunate night. So what do we know about the incident? According to various testimonies, the train was stopped at the Fruitvale station when the conductor had called the police to report 12 men fighting on the train. Oscar Grant was one of the confirmed perpetrators and had tried to run back on to the train when he learned of what was going on. Once he was again removed from the train he was instructed to sit against the wall with 2 other suspects. This is where the videos all start. Johannes arrives at the
CaseFile: Bart Shooting 4
Scene as back up and instantly jumps to the aid of the other officers. Everything is calm and seems to be going smoothly. Then 3 other men come off of the train to see what the cops are doing to Grant and his accomplices. Things start to get a little hectic with a few police officers trying to subdue the others who just came off the train, and then when the police officers inform the 3 sitting down that they are going to be placed under arrest. Grant then jumps up from the ground protesting the arrest of his friend. Officers then push him back to the ground and proceed to place him under arrest. There is visual evidence to show that Oscar is putting up a bit of a struggle against the police officers as they tried to place him in handcuffs. Where this story takes a turn for the worst is when Johannes claims that Grant was refusing to put his right hand behind his back and placed it under his hip, seemingly reaching for a weapon. The officer Says “I’m going to Taze him!” proceeds to reach for the weapon and fires once into Oscars back. The mistake was that he did not grab his Taser, he mistakenly grabbed his firearm and the single bullet went completely through Oscar and ricochet off the ground back into his chest piercing his lung. Hours later Oscar Grant was pronounced dead at the local hospital and the video went viral. The blood on Johannes Mehserle’s hands was put out for the world to judge, and judge they did without a single inclination of the true nature of this unfortunate tragedy.
Arguing in Johannes defense has proven difficult to the many that do support him and believe is was an accident. With such striking visual evidence the mind can easily believe that this is an execution style white on black hate crime. Police brutality has long been debated and an issue so in a city like Oakland, CA that consists of predominantly low income African American households it really is no surprise how they reacted.
Case File:Bart Shooting 5
There undoubtedly are many instances of excessive force being displayed towards blacks by the Oakland Police, but Johannes cannot be the scapegoat for these abusers. Confirmation bias is a dangerous thing when it comes to situations like this which is why it is best to gather as much information about the event as possible and look at it from multiple perspectives before forming your own bias. To think that this was an intentional act of murder is to agree with the Schacter-Singer theory of emotion. This theory states that “To experience emotion one must be physically aroused and cognitively label that arousal” (David G. Myers p515). In other words, Johannes’ actions had to be triggered by Oscar Grant refusing to pull his hand from under his body. As a police officer his instincts tell him he’s reaching for his weapon so he labels it danger. Being cognitively aware of this he would logically know which one of his side arms to reach for which was clearly not the case. However, the part that does fit this theory is how Johannes reacted after firing the bullet. In the videos he shows a clear sense of astonishment as if to say “what did I just do?” as stated in the application for bail that was submitted to the court
“After telling Officer Pirone he was going to taze Grant and yelling at Pirone to “get
back,” Mehserle, according to witness statements, drew his department-issued firearm, which
was located on his right side, pointed the weapon at Mr. Grant’s back, and fired a single time.
Virtually all witnesses who saw the event or looked to the location where Mehserle was
standing after they heard the gunshot described Mehserle as being in shock and many saw him putting his hands to his head.” (5)
Case File:Bart Shooting 6
Although Mr. Mehserle was cognitive of his actions and stated he was going to taze Oscar Grant he naturally reached for his fire arm. Whether or not he needed to use even a Taser is subject to debate and more of a moral dilemma rather than scientific fact. What little facts that are available show while the Two-Factor theory has some relations with the situation is does not completely
meet the frame work. Yes he had a stimulus prior to his emotion of shock, but his cognitive awareness did not prevent his automatic response that had been previously programmed through his hours of training.
To really understand how powerful emotions are a clear explanation of what exactly emotions are is necessary. Emotion is “a response of the whole organism, involving physiological response, expressive behaviors and conscious experience” (David G. Myers p.515). In other words, when an emotion hits hard and fast your body will react. How it will react really depends on the person and their prior experiences. Some will act first think later and others manage their emotions within their actions. The Cannon-Bard theory of emotions works with the later. It’s described as “the theory that an emotion-arousing stimulus simultaneously triggers physiological responses and the subjective experience of emotion. A good example of this is shown in the video taken of the train station when Oscar Grant jumps up in response to the news that his friend would be arrested. His emotion of outrage and action of standing up quickly intertwined so closely that this theory fits completely. However, it does not explain Johannes actions in the slightest. As stated earlier there was an expression on his face immediately afterward that it’s hard to deny that his emotions set in after the shot had been fired. Police
Case File:Bart Shooting 7
officers are drilled and trained to respond to stressful situations in various ways depending on the stimuli. In this case the officer had been trained in a threatening situation that he reaches for his side arm located on his right side. While his intentions were to grab his Taser, which he had positioned on the opposite side of his belt, his minds automatic reaction was to reach for the gun. Unfortunately, this mistake resulted in the unnecessary death of a young father. By his instincts reacting prior to his emotion of shock and regret Johannes actions can be defined by the James-Lange theory of emotions. Which states “our experience of our emotion is our awareness of our physiological responses to emotion” (David G. Myers p.515) or in other words, action before emotion. It does not undo what was done or justify the tragic loss of Oscar Grant, but it does provide some insight to the things going on behind the curtain.
Conclusion
So was it an execution style murder or simply a case of mistaken weaponry? Every person will be inclined to lean one way or the other based on their personal experiences with the information as well as their own biases. Science cannot explain every view point or opinion but it most certainly can explain one man’s actions in a high stress situation. We’ve explored the different possibilities and theories and it’s fairly clear based on the evidence provided that this was an unfortunate lapse in judgment caused by Office Mehserle’s pre coded response. Hopefully the
Case File:Bart Shooting 8
BART Corporation will take a close look at the officers’ training guidelines to avoid another disaster like this. It was stated that “The officer who shot the gun had an expression on his face like “holy shit what happened or what did I do, with his hands around his head.” Caneva believed the officer also had an expression as “why did my gun go off?” (Statement of Witness Pam Caneva. 5). So clearly he did not mean to put a bullet into the young officer, so hopefully now that this information has been presented in a way to gain a better understanding of what happened in Johannes mind the training regime will be adjusted to put more cognitive thought into the reaction to a volatile situation.
[Page Break]
Case File:Bart Shooting 9
References
1.Behind murder charge against ex-BART officer: San Francisco Chronicle, Demian Bulwa, Wyatt Buchanan,Matthew Yi, Chronicle Staff Writers San Francisco Chronicle; January 14, 2009 06:51 PMCopyright San Francisco Chronicle. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.Thursday, January 15, 2009
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/01/15/MNJE15A6O2.DTL
2.The Fight or Flight Response: Neil F. Neimark, http://www.thebodysoulconnection.com/EducationCenter/fight.html
3.Did the Jury for the BART Shooting Get the ‘Right’ Verdict?: Stephen Littau, The Liberty papers July 13,2010. http://www.thelibertypapers.org/2010/07/13/did-the-jury-for-the-bart-shooting-get-the-%E2%80%98right%E2%80%99-verdict/
4.Justice for Johannes Mehserle: Radley Balco, Reason.Com; July 12,2010
http://reason.com/archives/2010/07/12/justice-for-johannes-mehserle
5.MOTION TO SET BAIL: Michael L. Rains, Defense attorney for Johanes Mehsersle; January 30, 2009
http://cdn.sfgate.com/chronicle/acrobat/2009/01/30/motion_for_bail.pdf
6.BART Shooting -- Peeling Back the Layers to the Truth: Rich Silverstein: The Huffington Post; July 9,2010
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rich-silverstein/bart-shooting----peeling_b_641304.html
7.Psychology-8th edition in modules: David G. Myers; 2007 by Worth Publishers
Friday, October 15, 2010
FCKH8
I recently have found this new campaign against Prop 8 in California. For those of you who dont know Prop 8 restricts the marriage of Same sex couples. I just felt like sharing because I believe this is something that needs to be rectified.
My biggest problem with the whole issue is Why can't 2 people be married? There is suppose to be a seperation between church and state..Most who argue feel as if it will desanctify Marriage. I'm willing to bet Money that thses people are not refering to the governments defition of Marriage. It more than likely has something to do with their religious beliefs. Here's a Big NEWS FLASH: Not everyone in the US is Christian or Catholic therefore have different beliefs. All we are asking is too allow people of same sex to get LEGALY married. If your church doesnt agree they dont need to hold the ceremony.
I know this isnt about weight loss, but its something I feel strongly about and thought I would share. I would love to hear your thoughts, For or Against I welcome all feedback.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Dark consumes the Light...
On Monday I set some goals for myself to acomplish during the week. Well,I only have the possibility to complete one of them. 2 Nights I have eaten after 9 and I've gotten 5 hours of sleep the last 2 nights. So that leaves me with the gym. I had a hard time with getting myself there yesterday and it was for a reason I really havent noticed or had before. as I analyzed it more and more it really got me thinking about some of the Beasts that consume our minds.
There are things in everyday life that can stop any weight loss momentum dead in its tracks. You say, what could be so awful to set someone astray like that. Some are blind and for them ignorance is bliss, but for the rest of us, here are some demons I want to confront right now.
The Mirror- I hate that you have the ability to make me feel bad. I go to the gym to get in shape and change my body, but all you do is throw it in my face how far I have fallen. I can't even use a machine without you glaring at my bulge of fat under my shirt. I cant use the elyptical without you staring at my man boobs. Not anymore. I will not let you own me anymore. Try and I have a nice Rock to show you where the ground is ;)
The Photo album- You tarnish my memories by reminding me of what I look like to other people. Or atleast how I Perceive they see me. I want to be able to look at you and not feel ashamed
Moving on...
This week has been less than perfect when it comes to the goals I had set last Monday. I ate after 9 twice, I didnt get the Sleep I wanted..However, after this afternoon I will have made it to the Gym 4 days so woohoo for that! The best part of my week came friday night. My parents bought Pizza for dinner and if I havent mentioned it before. It seems no matter how good I do, Pizza nad Burritos are my Kryptonite. When they offered I declined (while my insides screamed ZOMG yesssssssss) The next 2 hours in my room were awful. I was arguing with myself so much I couldnt even focus on my homework...So...I eventually caved and went and ate 2 pieces. Usually this is were I Binge...I feel guilty for breaking so I proceed to consume everything I can...This time was different. I made a deal with myself,"Ok, So the pizza is going to win and you can eat it, but take it to your room and dont come out" I did. After talking to a friend about it yesterday I felt really proud of myself which carried over into last night. It was late again, I could feel the Urge coming. I went to the car to get my clothes for work...I start to walk towards the fridge, but instead I yell in my head STOP!! Went into my room and played video games before falling asleep.
Because of that, I feel stronger today.
Not too many words of wisdom today, but I'll leave you with a couple sayings.
Appreciate the Little things.
Hoping and Wishing are for people who are ok with Failure. To succeed, Just Do.
Stats:
Weight: 264 (as of Monday 10/4)
Bench: 295
Squat:N/A
Mile: N/A
There are things in everyday life that can stop any weight loss momentum dead in its tracks. You say, what could be so awful to set someone astray like that. Some are blind and for them ignorance is bliss, but for the rest of us, here are some demons I want to confront right now.
The Mirror- I hate that you have the ability to make me feel bad. I go to the gym to get in shape and change my body, but all you do is throw it in my face how far I have fallen. I can't even use a machine without you glaring at my bulge of fat under my shirt. I cant use the elyptical without you staring at my man boobs. Not anymore. I will not let you own me anymore. Try and I have a nice Rock to show you where the ground is ;)
The Photo album- You tarnish my memories by reminding me of what I look like to other people. Or atleast how I Perceive they see me. I want to be able to look at you and not feel ashamed
Moving on...
This week has been less than perfect when it comes to the goals I had set last Monday. I ate after 9 twice, I didnt get the Sleep I wanted..However, after this afternoon I will have made it to the Gym 4 days so woohoo for that! The best part of my week came friday night. My parents bought Pizza for dinner and if I havent mentioned it before. It seems no matter how good I do, Pizza nad Burritos are my Kryptonite. When they offered I declined (while my insides screamed ZOMG yesssssssss) The next 2 hours in my room were awful. I was arguing with myself so much I couldnt even focus on my homework...So...I eventually caved and went and ate 2 pieces. Usually this is were I Binge...I feel guilty for breaking so I proceed to consume everything I can...This time was different. I made a deal with myself,"Ok, So the pizza is going to win and you can eat it, but take it to your room and dont come out" I did. After talking to a friend about it yesterday I felt really proud of myself which carried over into last night. It was late again, I could feel the Urge coming. I went to the car to get my clothes for work...I start to walk towards the fridge, but instead I yell in my head STOP!! Went into my room and played video games before falling asleep.
Because of that, I feel stronger today.
Not too many words of wisdom today, but I'll leave you with a couple sayings.
Appreciate the Little things.
Hoping and Wishing are for people who are ok with Failure. To succeed, Just Do.
Stats:
Weight: 264 (as of Monday 10/4)
Bench: 295
Squat:N/A
Mile: N/A
Monday, October 4, 2010
ITS MONDAY RAWR!!!....again
How many times have you heard or said to yourself "Alright, I'll start on Monday"? I know its probably coming out of my mouth by Wednesday every week lol. Thank you all so much for your comments on my last post. It gave me a LOT to think about this weekend and something tells me today is a different Monday :) I'm going to spend this post laying out my new goals and responding to the comments that got me thinking a lot about myself and my life.
Dr. J- I'm going to be honest, when I first read your comment I was like "Who the ef is this jerk?". I stopped right there say in my chair and thought.."Why did I just react like that to someone whose trying ot help me?" So because of that initial distain i felt I analyzed your post the most and I am so grateful for your response.
Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit - I apreciate your honesty and your post as well struck a chord that needed to be. This
To all the other Commenters, THANK YOU all so very much. As you can see I have a very modest follwoing (my mom lol) and now a few more have decided to join her. Your comments have been read many times and all critiques and compliments heard and taken too heart. I hope to have you all stay on board with me while I try this again.
The Plan: I came to the realization this last week that I need a change in my life and its not necesarily who I am now, but where I am going. All my life I have been nicknamed "Dr. Phil" by people who know me because I'm always trying to listen and help people understand why they feel a certain way and blah blah. I love helping people. I love how the mind works and am so curious to learn more that I am changing my Major from Computer Science to Psychology. I dont know what I want to do with it, but I know its something I want, I can feel it in my gut. I will be attempting to make it in to the University of Oregon after the next two semesters at the Solano JC. I'm in the process of setting up The Master Plan to achieve this goal and I am ready to lose myself in something that I know is MINE and mine alone. I'd like to thank My Mom for always supporting me in whatever path I've chosen to walk. I know Dad and Step mom will be right there too in their own way, but we both know Its better to lay out the plan first to show them how serious I am about this.
Now, How am I going to get myself healthy again Physically and Mentally? First I am going to admit something. I've been here before,I've fought this battle and I have won. I lost 117 lbs at one point. This is a NEW fight with more enemies and I am ready. I will stop beating myself down for "letting myself go". Life Happens either I continue to do the same things and get the same results or I stop my bitching and Man up. I accept that it will not happen in a week, month, or maybe even a Year, but it WILL happen. One day at a time, just like life. I am not happy with how I feel about myself and thats OK. It doesnt make me less of a person, the fact I'm not happy and do nothing about it does. I am a fighter and can do anything I set my mind too and this is how I will prove it. So, now every monday instead of setting my mind to "Alright lets lose all that weight!" I will be posting a blog with my goals for the week ahead. Small ones, big ones, it doesnt matter they will be obtainable and I will follow with a post on Saturday to let everyone (and myself) know just how well I did with them. This way I feel held accountable for my goals and not just be like, oh well next week. I will also be weighing in every monday morning at the Gym. This will start next week because I had a tooth pulled on Friday and am not allowed to work out again until Wednesday.
Goals:
Go to the Gym 4-5 days this week. (W,Th,F,S,Sn)for a minimum of 45 min
No Eating after 9pm (I usually binge after this hour so it will be a tough one)
Get 7 hours of sleep every night( I wake up early 5/7 days of the week)
See you all Saturday! (maybe earlier if I feel like talking)
Dr. J- I'm going to be honest, when I first read your comment I was like "Who the ef is this jerk?". I stopped right there say in my chair and thought.."Why did I just react like that to someone whose trying ot help me?" So because of that initial distain i felt I analyzed your post the most and I am so grateful for your response.
You can waste your time over thinking all this fat person stuff, or you can do the hard work that you will need to do to not be obese. You dug a hole for yourself when you first became obese.This is something I NEEDED to hear. I constantly over think everything rather than just MANing up and getting shit done.
Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit - I apreciate your honesty and your post as well struck a chord that needed to be. This
It's that "all or nothing" mentality that can get us in trouble sometimes, but it sometimes helps me to think of the process instead of the goal, to focus on the next step down the road instead of that spot on top of the mountain.is PERFECT. You are absolutely right and this is something I will be expanding a bit more on later in the post.
To all the other Commenters, THANK YOU all so very much. As you can see I have a very modest follwoing (my mom lol) and now a few more have decided to join her. Your comments have been read many times and all critiques and compliments heard and taken too heart. I hope to have you all stay on board with me while I try this again.
The Plan: I came to the realization this last week that I need a change in my life and its not necesarily who I am now, but where I am going. All my life I have been nicknamed "Dr. Phil" by people who know me because I'm always trying to listen and help people understand why they feel a certain way and blah blah. I love helping people. I love how the mind works and am so curious to learn more that I am changing my Major from Computer Science to Psychology. I dont know what I want to do with it, but I know its something I want, I can feel it in my gut. I will be attempting to make it in to the University of Oregon after the next two semesters at the Solano JC. I'm in the process of setting up The Master Plan to achieve this goal and I am ready to lose myself in something that I know is MINE and mine alone. I'd like to thank My Mom for always supporting me in whatever path I've chosen to walk. I know Dad and Step mom will be right there too in their own way, but we both know Its better to lay out the plan first to show them how serious I am about this.
Now, How am I going to get myself healthy again Physically and Mentally? First I am going to admit something. I've been here before,I've fought this battle and I have won. I lost 117 lbs at one point. This is a NEW fight with more enemies and I am ready. I will stop beating myself down for "letting myself go". Life Happens either I continue to do the same things and get the same results or I stop my bitching and Man up. I accept that it will not happen in a week, month, or maybe even a Year, but it WILL happen. One day at a time, just like life. I am not happy with how I feel about myself and thats OK. It doesnt make me less of a person, the fact I'm not happy and do nothing about it does. I am a fighter and can do anything I set my mind too and this is how I will prove it. So, now every monday instead of setting my mind to "Alright lets lose all that weight!" I will be posting a blog with my goals for the week ahead. Small ones, big ones, it doesnt matter they will be obtainable and I will follow with a post on Saturday to let everyone (and myself) know just how well I did with them. This way I feel held accountable for my goals and not just be like, oh well next week. I will also be weighing in every monday morning at the Gym. This will start next week because I had a tooth pulled on Friday and am not allowed to work out again until Wednesday.
Goals:
Go to the Gym 4-5 days this week. (W,Th,F,S,Sn)for a minimum of 45 min
No Eating after 9pm (I usually binge after this hour so it will be a tough one)
Get 7 hours of sleep every night( I wake up early 5/7 days of the week)
See you all Saturday! (maybe earlier if I feel like talking)
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